How Emotional Intelligence and Empathy made me a more Confident Leader

When I first started managing a team I was about 25 and working in a fast-growing start-up. Most of the team were hardly a year younger than me - some were older.

I was full of enthusiasm for the business’s success. I loved the team and cared about their individual success.

But I was also overwhelmed. I couldn’t get the balance between my focus on our objectives and delivering huge conferences across Europe and my personal values about really caring (read over-caring) about my relationships with the team, wanting to be liked and admired.

I remember the first time I had to deliver feedback to a colleague who was underperforming—it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My palms were sweaty, and I struggled to find the right words. What if they didn’t like what I had to say? What if they didn’t take me seriously? These thoughts swirled around my mind, making the conversation feel impossible.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve had countless difficult conversations, led teams through challenging times, and built relationships that have stood the test of time. The difference? I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth, self-awareness, and effective communication. And, most importantly, it's about emotional intelligence.

What is Emotional Intelligence and Why Does It Matter for Leaders?

Emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. For leaders, this means being self-aware, demonstrating empathy, and using emotional understanding to guide decisions and interactions.

In my early days of leadership, I realised that my emotional reactions—whether to stress, frustration, or excitement—often influenced how I communicated with my team. The more I understood my own emotions, the better I could regulate them, leading to more thoughtful and productive conversations.

But emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. Empathy is the key to building trust and stronger relationships. When you actively listen and consider the emotions of others, you're able to connect on a deeper level, which in turn creates an environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated.

Leadership vs. Management: Knowing When to Wear Each Hat

One of the most eye-opening moments in my leadership journey was realising that leadership and management aren’t the same thing, even though they’re often used interchangeably. Leadership is about inspiring vision, guiding teams toward a goal, and motivating them to give their best. It’s about creating a culture and an environment where people want to follow you.

Management, on the other hand, is more about ensuring day-to-day operations are running smoothly, executing plans, and maintaining control over processes.

I learned that it’s not enough to simply lead or manage—I had to balance both. The key was knowing when to step into a leadership role to inspire and when to manage to keep things on track.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Finding Confidence as a Leader

Another hurdle I faced early in my leadership role was imposter syndrome. Despite my achievements, I often questioned whether I really deserved to be in charge. Who am I to be leading this team? What if they find out I’m not as capable as they think I am? These thoughts were constant.

Over time, I learned to manage imposter syndrome by adopting a simple 3-step framework:

1. Identify the triggers: What specific situations make you feel like an imposter?

2. Reframe negative thoughts: Instead of focusing on doubt, focus on the skills and accomplishments that got you to this point.

3. Take action with confidence: Confidence comes with doing. Every step forward, no matter how small, builds your self-assurance.

I realized that everyone experiences self-doubt from time to time—what matters is how you respond to it.

The Art of Communication: Clarity, Listening, and Empathy

One of the most powerful tools in any leader's arsenal is effective communication. As I reflected on my journey, I realized that clarity, active listening, and empathy are the cornerstones of any successful conversation.

Clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and aligns everyone on goals and expectations. Whether you’re giving feedback or setting a new direction, being clear about your intentions is key.

Listening is just as critical. Active listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding context, emotions, and concerns. When I started truly listening, I built stronger connections with my team and gained insights that helped me lead more effectively.

Empathy ties it all together. Showing empathy in conversations, especially when giving feedback, creates an environment of trust and respect. It allows you to address challenges with sensitivity, which encourages growth rather than defensiveness.

Final thoughts - leadership is a journey not a destination

As I reflect on my own journey, it’s clear that leadership isn’t a destination but a continual process of learning and growth. Emotional intelligence, knowing when to lead vs. manage, overcoming imposter syndrome, and improving communication—these elements have helped shape the leader I am today.

If you’re just starting your leadership journey, remember this: you’re not alone. We all face challenges, but it’s how we respond to them that defines our success. By working on your emotional intelligence, practising empathy, and honing your communication skills, you’ll not only become a more confident leader but also build stronger teams and better relationships.

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about showing up with authenticity, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow.

Take Action Today:

• Reflect on your own leadership style and the impact you have on those around you

• Where can you improve your emotional intelligence? Start to tune into your emotions and how they impact your thoughts and actions, practise managing your emotions especially in stressful situations.

• Be empathetic. Practice tuning into other people’s emotions and situations - put yourself in their shoes.

• Practice active listening and empathy in your next conversation. Hold back on judgement and advice.

• Challenge your imposter syndrome by taking action, even when you feel uncertain.

Help Your Team Manage Stress and Build Resilience: 10 Tips for Leaders

Stress is inevitable, the world is full of change and uncertainty, and it’s a challenge we all face - at work and at home. As leaders your people’s wellbeing and helping them to manage stress and build resilience, or inner strength, is no longer a tick box exercise, it’s essential.

With the right tools and support, stress can be managed effectively, leading not only to healthier individuals but also to a stronger, more resilient team.

1. Understanding Pressure vs. Stress

It’s essential to recognise the difference between pressure and stress. Like Goldilocks, the goal is to find “just right” pressure—not too little and not too much.

• Productive Pressure: When managed well, pressure can keep us focused and motivated. In the right amount, it enhances performance.

• Excessive Pressure: If it becomes overwhelming, however, pressure crosses into stress, leading to fatigue, irritability, and decreased performance.

Actionable Tips: 

Encourage team members to recognise when they feel engaged and focused rather than tense or overwhelmed. Set Short, Manageable Goals to maintain a sense of progress and keep pressure in check. Smaller goals can keep productivity high without overwhelming the team. Remind your team to take short, refreshing breaks to recalibrate during peak pressure periods. Simple actions like stepping outside or taking a few deep breaths can prevent the shift from pressure into stress.

2. Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions

When you feel stress building, could you take a moment to acknowledge it. Awareness of how you feel physically and emotionally helps you address stress before it becomes overwhelming.

• Recognise the Signs: Pay attention to physical cues like a racing heartbeat or shallow breathing. These are your body’s “check engine” lights.

• Pause for Perspective: Rather than reacting instantly, pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a month from now? What would my wisest friend advise?” This bird’s-eye view can provide much-needed clarity.

Actionable Tips:

Encourage team members to identify and name their emotions (e.g., “I feel anxious” or “I’m frustrated”). Research shows that labelling emotions reduces intensity, helping you feel more in control. Use Reflective Questions: Teach your team to ask themselves reflective questions when stressed. For instance, “What’s in my control here?” or “What would help me feel calmer?” This promotes a more balanced response rather than an immediate reaction.

3. Lead with Empathy

Being an empathetic leader is one of the most powerful ways to build resilience. When leaders take the time to understand each team member's unique challenges and stressors, it can make a significant difference in how they approach their work. Empathy builds trust and shows your team that they’re valued beyond their productivity.

Actionable Tip:

Use empathy in your day-to-day interactions by actively listening and offering tailored support when challenges arise. Sometimes, a quick conversation or a kind word can make all the difference.

4. Foster Open Communication

One of the best ways to help your team manage stress is to create a culture of open, honest communication. This starts with you, the leader, being transparent and approachable. Encourage your team to share their concerns, listen actively, and respond with empathy. When employees feel they can talk openly about challenges without judgment, they are more likely to address issues proactively, reducing stress in the long run.

Actionable Tips:

Start meetings with a brief personal update to set an example. When leaders share openly, team members feel more comfortable doing the same. Implement “Psychological Safety” Rules by establishing norms where everyone feels they can voice concerns without fear of judgment. One simple rule is, “All questions are good questions.” Reinforce that it’s okay to ask for help or say, “I don’t understand.”

Schedule informal one-on-one check-ins every few weeks to provide a safe space for team members to share any stressors or workload concerns. Actively listen, empathize, and brainstorm ways to address any challenges they bring up.

5. Encourage Work-Life Balance

While productivity is essential, balance is key to long-term success. Constant work without adequate rest can lead to burnout, so it's important to encourage breaks, time off, and healthy boundaries between work and personal life.

Actionable Tip:

Model work-life balance yourself by setting boundaries. For example, avoid sending emails after work hours, and use your vacation days. When your team sees you prioritise balance, they are more likely to do the same.

6. Give Your Team with Stress Management Tools

Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back; it’s about having the right tools to cope with challenges in real-time. Offering workshops or providing resources on stress management techniques like mindfulness, time management, and exercise can help your team develop skills to handle stress effectively.

Actionable Tip:

Organise a monthly wellness day or provide access to resources like meditation apps or fitness classes. Small investments in well-being can go a long way in helping employees manage stress.

7. Recognise and Reward Efforts

When people feel appreciated, they are more engaged and motivated. Recognition can be a powerful way to mitigate stress and build resilience. Celebrating successes, even small ones, helps create a positive work environment and reinforces a sense of purpose.

Actionable Tip:

Develop a simple system for celebrating achievements, such as a monthly shout-out in team meetings or a “thank you” board in the office. Positive reinforcement promotes a culture of support and resilience.

8. Build a Sense of Team Unity

Teams that support one another through tough times are more resilient. Fostering strong team bonds encourages employees to lean on one another for support, which can alleviate individual stress levels.

Actionable Tip:

Schedule team-building activities that align with your team’s interests, whether that’s a casual lunch, a team sports day, or a virtual trivia night. A unified team handles stress more effectively and comes together to support each other in times of need.

9. Encourage Flexibility

Allowing flexibility can reduce stress by giving employees some control over how and when they work best. This could mean flexible hours, remote work options, or allowing team members to switch tasks based on energy and focus levels.

Actionable Tip:

Consider implementing “focus hours” where employees can work uninterrupted or allow flexible start and end times for those who may be balancing work with other responsibilities.

10. Provide Learning and Development Opportunities

Learning opportunities can help employees feel empowered and equipped to handle challenges. When team members have room to grow and develop new skills, they’re more resilient in the face of change and better prepared to manage stress.

Actionable Tip: Start with my free online workshop How to Cope with Stress & Build Resilience.
Join this workshop to discover practical tools to strengthen your resilience and support your teams. We'll delve into:
🌿 What is Wellness
🌪️ Distinguishing Pressure from Stress
🚦 Establishing Healthy Boundaries and Habits
🌟 Overcoming Overwhelm
🌱 Cultivating Resilience
🧘 How to support your team

👇 BOOK A PLACE 👇

This workshop can also be tailored to run for teams and organisations in-person or virtually.

Empathy in Leadership: A Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Empathy in Leadership A Guide to Emotional Intelligence

In today’s fast-paced, ever-evolving workplace, leaders are expected to do more than just technical experts, they are required to understand, inspire, and connect with their teams on a human level. This is why emotional intelligence (EQ) and empathy are essential skills. Empathy fosters trust, collaboration, and resilience, and enabling leaders to navigate the complexities of human behaviour.

As psychologist Daniel Goleman said,

“What really matters for success, character, happiness and lifelong achievements is a definite set of emotional skills—your EQ—not just purely cognitive abilities that are measured by conventional IQ tests.”

But what exactly is emotional intelligence, and how does empathy fit into the picture?

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence, often referred to as EQ (emotional quotient), is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage both your own emotions and the emotions of others. It's a skill set that allows leaders to connect with their teams on a more personal level, improving communication, reducing conflict, and boosting team morale. EQ consists of five key components:

1. Self-awareness – Understanding your own emotions, strengths, and limitations.

2. Self-regulation – Managing your emotions, especially in stressful or challenging situations.

3. Motivation – Maintaining drive and optimism, even in the face of setbacks.

4. Empathy – Recognising and understanding the emotions of others.

5. Social skills – Building and managing relationships, effectively communicating, and resolving conflicts.

While all five components are important, empathy plays a unique role in leadership by directly influencing how you interact with others. Empathetic leaders can put themselves in their people's shoes, to better understand their concerns, motivations, and challenges. This creates a more supportive and inclusive work environment.

Why Emotional Intelligence and Empathy Matter in Leadership

Stronger Relationships

Leaders with high emotional intelligence foster open communication and trust. They understand the importance of making genuine connections with their team, which helps create a collaborative and supportive culture. Teams led by emotionally intelligent leaders tend to feel more valued and are therefore more engaged and motivated to perform well.

Improved Decision-Making

Emotional intelligence enables leaders to make well-rounded decisions that consider not just the facts but also the emotions and perspectives of others. This allows them to take a more holistic view of situations, resulting in better decisions that are more likely to be embraced by the team.

Better Conflict Resolution

When conflict arises, emotionally intelligent leaders use their empathy and social skills to navigate the situation calmly and fairly. They can step back, manage their own emotional reactions, and understand the emotions of those involved. This results in quicker, more amicable resolutions and prevents tensions from escalating.

Increased Employee Satisfaction

Empathy in leadership leads to a more positive and inclusive workplace culture. Employees are more likely to stay loyal to leaders who understand their needs and support their growth. When team members feel seen and heard, their job satisfaction and productivity rise.

Resilience in Tough Times

Leaders face challenges daily, from managing tight deadlines to navigating company crises. Emotionally intelligent leaders are better equipped to handle these challenges, remaining calm under pressure while providing steady support to their teams. Their empathy allows them to acknowledge the stress their team may be experiencing and respond with compassion.

How to become an emotionally intelligent leader

The great news is that emotional intelligence and empathy aren’t fixed traits—they can be developed and strengthened with intentional practice. Here’s how you can enhance these skills:

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness

The first step in developing emotional intelligence is to become more aware of your own emotions and how they influence your behaviour. Regularly check in with yourself: How are you feeling? How are these feelings impacting your decisions and interactions with others? Journaling or meditation can be helpful tools for increasing self-awareness.

2. Practice Active Listening

Listening is a core component of empathy. When a team member is speaking to you, give them your full attention. Avoid interrupting or planning your response while they are talking. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and feelings. After they’ve finished speaking, paraphrase what they said to ensure you’ve fully understood.

3. Manage Your Emotions

Emotional regulation is crucial in leadership. Practice techniques that help you stay calm in stressful situations, whether that’s taking deep breaths, stepping away for a few moments, or reframing your thoughts. Leaders who can manage their emotions effectively are better at making thoughtful decisions and avoiding emotional reactions that could harm team dynamics.

4. Show Empathy in Action

Empathy isn’t just about understanding—it’s about acting on that understanding. If a team member is struggling, offer your support. This could mean helping them re-prioritise tasks, offering additional resources, or simply giving them a listening ear. Small actions that show you care about your team’s well-being can have a big impact.

5. Provide Constructive Feedback with Care

Feedback is a critical part of leadership, but it’s important to deliver it in a way that’s constructive and compassionate. Consider how the other person might feel and frame your feedback in a way that encourages growth rather than defensiveness. Balancing honesty with empathy helps maintain trust and respect in your relationships.

6. Build Emotional Resilience

Developing emotional intelligence doesn’t mean you won’t experience negative emotions—it means you’ll be better equipped to handle them. Building emotional resilience involves recognising your emotional triggers and practising self-regulation techniques, so you’re prepared to navigate challenges and stress without becoming overwhelmed.

7. Encourage Empathy in Your Team

As a leader, you have the opportunity to model and foster empathy within your team. Encourage team members to understand each other’s perspectives, whether during a disagreement or while collaborating on a project. Empathy within the team enhances collaboration, creativity, and mutual respect.

The Benefits of Leading with Emotional Intelligence and Empathy

When leaders prioritise emotional intelligence and empathy, they create workplaces where people feel understood, valued, and motivated. In the long run, this leads to:

• Increased employee retention: Team members are more likely to stay loyal to empathetic leaders.

• Higher team performance: A supportive environment allows employees to thrive and perform at their best.

• Stronger company culture: Emotionally intelligent leadership fosters a culture of trust, respect, and collaboration.

• Better overall outcomes: When employees feel heard and supported, they are more engaged, productive, and innovative.

Today, leadership demands more than just technical expertise, emotional intelligence and empathy have emerged as crucial qualities for success. These skills enable leaders to build stronger relationships, foster trust, and create a positive and productive work environment.

Leading with emotional intelligence and empathy isn’t just a modern leadership trend—it’s the future of sustainable and effective leadership.