How Emotional Intelligence and Empathy made me a more Confident Leader
When I first started managing a team I was about 25 and working in a fast-growing start-up. Most of the team were hardly a year younger than me - some were older.
I was full of enthusiasm for the business’s success. I loved the team and cared about their individual success.
But I was also overwhelmed. I couldn’t get the balance between my focus on our objectives and delivering huge conferences across Europe and my personal values about really caring (read over-caring) about my relationships with the team, wanting to be liked and admired.
I remember the first time I had to deliver feedback to a colleague who was underperforming—it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. My palms were sweaty, and I struggled to find the right words. What if they didn’t like what I had to say? What if they didn’t take me seriously? These thoughts swirled around my mind, making the conversation feel impossible.
Fast forward to today, and I’ve had countless difficult conversations, led teams through challenging times, and built relationships that have stood the test of time. The difference? I’ve learned that leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth, self-awareness, and effective communication. And, most importantly, it's about emotional intelligence.
What is Emotional Intelligence and Why Does It Matter for Leaders?
Emotional intelligence (EQ or EI) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. For leaders, this means being self-aware, demonstrating empathy, and using emotional understanding to guide decisions and interactions.
In my early days of leadership, I realised that my emotional reactions—whether to stress, frustration, or excitement—often influenced how I communicated with my team. The more I understood my own emotions, the better I could regulate them, leading to more thoughtful and productive conversations.
But emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. Empathy is the key to building trust and stronger relationships. When you actively listen and consider the emotions of others, you're able to connect on a deeper level, which in turn creates an environment where people feel valued, supported, and motivated.
Leadership vs. Management: Knowing When to Wear Each Hat
One of the most eye-opening moments in my leadership journey was realising that leadership and management aren’t the same thing, even though they’re often used interchangeably. Leadership is about inspiring vision, guiding teams toward a goal, and motivating them to give their best. It’s about creating a culture and an environment where people want to follow you.
Management, on the other hand, is more about ensuring day-to-day operations are running smoothly, executing plans, and maintaining control over processes.
I learned that it’s not enough to simply lead or manage—I had to balance both. The key was knowing when to step into a leadership role to inspire and when to manage to keep things on track.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: Finding Confidence as a Leader
Another hurdle I faced early in my leadership role was imposter syndrome. Despite my achievements, I often questioned whether I really deserved to be in charge. Who am I to be leading this team? What if they find out I’m not as capable as they think I am? These thoughts were constant.
Over time, I learned to manage imposter syndrome by adopting a simple 3-step framework:
Identify the triggers: What specific situations make you feel like an imposter?
Reframe negative thoughts: Instead of focusing on doubt, focus on the skills and accomplishments that got you to this point.
Take action with confidence: Confidence comes with doing. Every step forward, no matter how small, builds your self-assurance.
I realized that everyone experiences self-doubt from time to time—what matters is how you respond to it.
The Art of Communication: Clarity, Listening, and Empathy
One of the most powerful tools in any leader's arsenal is effective communication. As I reflected on my journey, I realized that clarity, active listening, and empathy are the cornerstones of any successful conversation.
Clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and aligns everyone on goals and expectations. Whether you’re giving feedback or setting a new direction, being clear about your intentions is key.
Listening is just as critical. Active listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about understanding context, emotions, and concerns. When I started truly listening, I built stronger connections with my team and gained insights that helped me lead more effectively.
Empathy ties it all together. Showing empathy in conversations, especially when giving feedback, creates an environment of trust and respect. It allows you to address challenges with sensitivity, which encourages growth rather than defensiveness.
Final thoughts - leadership is a journey not a destination
As I reflect on my own journey, it’s clear that leadership isn’t a destination but a continual process of learning and growth. Emotional intelligence, knowing when to lead vs. manage, overcoming imposter syndrome, and improving communication—these elements have helped shape the leader I am today.
If you’re just starting your leadership journey, remember this: you’re not alone. We all face challenges, but it’s how we respond to them that defines our success. By working on your emotional intelligence, practising empathy, and honing your communication skills, you’ll not only become a more confident leader but also build stronger teams and better relationships.
Leadership isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about showing up with authenticity, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow.
Take Action Today:
Reflect on your own leadership style and the impact you have on those around you
Where can you improve your emotional intelligence? Start to tune into your emotions and how they impact your thoughts and actions, practise managing your emotions especially in stressful situations.
Be empathetic. Practice tuning into other people’s emotions and situations - put yourself in their shoes.
Practice active listening and empathy in your next conversation. Hold back on judgement and advice.
Challenge your imposter syndrome by taking action, even when you feel uncertain.
